Merry (or sad?) Christmas is Around the Corner!

What in the world has me being such a cry baby? All the Christmas movies (kids shows included!) seem to be bringing a tear to my eyes this year. I know that part of it is James being away from home this Christmas, but on the other hand it is AC's first Christmas and should be extra joyful for me. Don't get me wrong, so far I am really enjoying this "Holiday" season since James was home for Thanksgiving (which was great!) and got to do most of the Christmas shopping with me. But this last week has been kinda bitter sweet for me. When one thing makes me happy, another is right there to make me sad.

The kiddos have caught some cold something they are having a time shaking. AC has pretty much been sick since November 12th. Up until that point, she really hadn't had any contagious bugs that she couldn't shake. I hate her being sick! She was well for about a week and then her head cold seemed to start back up again, although now I am not totally convinced it isn't from her teething. KL now is all stoppy which may mean that AC's first cold has caught up to her. Maybe they won't pass this back and forth amongst themselves and let's also hope Mommy doesn't get it.

James headed out last night. Usually I handle him leaving pretty well. On a normal day for goodbyes, KL is in school and we are super busy running around, but that has changed. Company rules now say that he has to have his own transportation to the office which means no more rental cars. No more headache of trying to get to an airport somewhere, get the car, and make it back home all during the hours KL is in school. Guess it also means no more semi-private goodbyes at the airport for me and James. Also, no more 2 hour drive home alone to psych myself up for the 4 weeks alone without him telling myself I can do it and immediately having to rush back alone before school is out.

Last night, James was packing up his truck and I went outside to meet him. He just held me for several minutes and I cried. I have never before let him see me cry when he is leaving because I feel it makes it harder on him and there is always strangers about in the airport. In fact, even once I am back in the car, I will only allow myself to shed a couple tears while telling myself that its just life so deal. Last night was totally different. When we came back inside, it was time for him to tell the kids bye. I had a very hard time not crying again. I knew if I cried and they saw me, James would be leaving with all three of us crying and that would make it almost impossible for him to walk out the door. KL is very emotional upon his leaving herself and most times after he is gone, or when I get her from school and she realizes he was for real when he told her goodbye that morning, she cries just a little. Luckily last night she held it together since I didn't.

So, is it all just knowing the stress of Christmas is upon me? That I still have some shopping to do and not sure when and how that is going to happen? That James isn't going to be here? Or are my hormones really still that off balance? Probably a good mixture of all the above, but starting today I am determined to pull it all together!